Hoarding Memories

A Tale of Memory Keeping

I get a hit of joy and anxiety in equal parts every time I look at the never-ending stream of photos and videos I've taken on my phone. I'm just waiting for the day my phone will protest its dwindling storage space, just like my last phone did. But I will not stop capturing these little moments and precious memories that will fade out of existence if I delete them.

The Fear of Forgetting

I mourn the loss of a piece of my life that I lived and would probably have forgotten about if it weren't for the photo or video I had taken. And no, I'm not referring to selfies or photos of nice landscapes or delicious foods, although I have captured a lot of that too. The moments I dread to lose are moments capturing my children.

Motherhood and Memory-Making

When in the thick of motherhood with two children under 5, the never-ending day-in-day-out care for tiny human beings is whole body and mind exhausting, and because of that, I fear I don't embrace, cherish and fully live in these precious moments to my full capacity. I think that's why when I catch a glimmer of a precious moment, I search for my phone, ready to capture it, so it will never be lost.

So once I lie in bed, completely shut off and detached from the drawn-out day, I can revisit that memory held within my phone, and relive it in solitude, allowing myself a second chance at really feeling the magic of the moment. Knowing I can remember and relive it any time I want prevents me from removing it. Removing a photo or a video is removing a memory of my children I can't get back, and it breaks my heart if I think too hard on it.

Sharing Memories with Family

In realistic terms I also know that I do not have the time or capacity to look at and appreciate all those captured moments again, especially when compiled over an entire lifetime. But picking out and preserving the very best ones is something I treasure.

I enjoy creating photo books of family memories and flipping through the pages with my boys. I also stitch strings of videos of the boys and family together in iMovie on my phone and upload 5-10 min long home videos into a private YouTube account. These family videos are the most requested videos that my boys love to watch on our TV at home. There is something special about watching themselves on the big screen, living life, interacting and playing. They have become their own favourite TV stars.

Family videos rate higher than Blippi and the Wiggles, and I do wonder how that type of content rates on the screen time limit scale for kids. Should I still be cutting screen time if they just want to watch videos of themselves and their family?

A Family Tradition

My sister and I were also obsessed with watching family videos growing up. My mum loved taking home videos and preserving them on VHS. We had a lot of VHS tapes of our childhood that span back to my 2nd birthday and we loved watching them. It was even a tradition to pull one out at every Christmas to watch, laugh and share in these precious memories together, and I'm so happy to pass that tradition along to my boys too.

We also had big boxes filled with packets of physical photos. This was in addition to actual photo albums and framed photos we owned. Looking back, I think my mother was a memory hoarder too. All that physical photo clutter from a few decades ago is still there today too. It's just been moved to the digital space.

The History of Memory Keeping

I do wonder if this memory-hoarding phenomenon was around before the invention of photography, although it may have been in different forms such as journaling (which continues to be an excellent form of memory keeping), and preserving special memories and moments in the creation of art.

But the sheer volume of photos and videos we can take now thanks to smart phones is something that has never occured before in history. Is that a blessing or a curse? Depends how you look at it, but for me personally, I see it as a blessing. The precious photo I captured of my eldest son seeing a frog in the wild for the first time, the moment my eldest son coaksed my youngest son to say his first words, and the sheer joy on my boys’ faces as they went on a ferris wheel for the fist time. Thanks to the technoloy I have to capture those moments, I can now look back on them, remember then and enjoy them all over again, and I’ll always be greatful for that.

Cherish Your Memories

So are you a memory hoarder like me? Are you also desperately clinging onto photos and videos in hopes of holding onto those memories for a little longer? If so, that’s okay. Your phone memory may be taking a hit and you may have photos and videos saved on hard drives, the cloud and in random folders on current and old PCs, but if capturing and keeping those memories brings you joy, keep capturing those memories, cherish them, share them and remember them. Whatever way, shape or form your memory keeping takes.