Care, Change, Anxiety & Authentic Living in November

A monthly wrap up of life, gratitude, inspiration and writing.

Hello Friends!

Here's what you'll find in today’s newsletter:

A Piece of Life in Focus This Month

• When Anxiety Attacks - A Flow of Anxious Consciousness

Authentic Living This Month

• Gratitude Corner - GPS, Grocery Delivery & Child Friendly Dining

• Making Memories - Christmas Tree, Beach Fun and a Halloween Holiday

• Reality Check - Kindgergarten and Daycare Transition

• Fiction Writing Progress & Learnings - 63,000 Words of Enjoyment

• Inspiring Stuff - Creative Writing Podcasts and Fiction Audiobooks

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Welcome to My Substack! My Name is Tania.

I invite you to join me on a journey of embracing authentic living. Through honest stories, personal insights, and reflections on authenticity, I seek to find the extraordinary in the ordinary. Subscribe for free & tap the ❤️ if you enjoy this post!

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Life in Focus This Month

A bit of word vomit I needed to get out after I experienced an anxiety attack recently. No need to worry about me. I’m much better now, and writing like this helps me process my feelings and move on to better and more positive thoughts.

Something within me cracked. Shattered to pieces and has left me exposed. Everything I tried to hold in came spilling out and I feel the deluge wash over me again and again and I don’t know how to contain it. I can’t stop the tears. I can’t stop the self-loathing. My worries, self-hate, overstimulation and perhaps fear are keeping me from clawing my way back to sanity again.

Why won’t my mind stop its torturous, repetitive rhetoric?
Why can’t I just deal with life’s little hurdles like everyone else?
Why am I so sensitive and emotional?
Why can’t I just fucking cope and be better at this?

I feel unworthy. I feel like it’s all too much but I also feel guilty for feeling this way.
A vicious cycle of hurtful thoughts propel me further and further into a place I don’t want to go to.

What a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t be this sad. I shouldn’t be this overwhelmed. But I am. Other people are so much worse off than I am. I should be grateful. I should do better. But I can’t do better in this mental state.

My chest hurts, my body trembles, my mind races and fractures, my emotions boil over and I can’t hide them anymore.

So many worries, trying to consume me and overtake each other for priority in my mind. I feel like a shell at times, zoned out from reality in a poor attempt to ground myself and stop the ferocious thoughts from eating me alive.

Some days I’m okay. Great even. Not a worry in the world, everything is wonderful. And then it hits me, seemingly out of nowhere. The overstimulation, overwhelm and internal panic.

But with some rest. With some me time. With some love, hugs and quiet time, I find my way back. Back to feeling myself. Back to a settled mental state. Back to being whole again.

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Authentic Living in November

This Substack series is devoted to everything that adds authenticity and realness to my life and I hope it helps you focus on the authentic joy you can create and experience in your day-to-day lives too.

Gratitude Corner: Finding Appreciation in the Everyday

Taking time to find things to be grateful for in everyday moments is a great way to stay grounded and remind yourself of the things that really matter.

This week I’m grateful for:

• GPS. Remember when you had to use a physical book filled with maps (called a Refadex here in Australia) to get somewhere in a car that you are not familiar with? Back in the day (before the invention of GPS) we had to actually memorise street names and know how to get somewhere. If we were driving anywhere we had never been to before we had to pull this book out, go to the index, find the street we were on and triangluate it on a map to see where we were and flick through pages to figure out how to get from there and get to the location we need to get to. Getting lost and asking a physical person for directions was pretty much guranteed. What a nightmare! Thank god technology has meant that we can go pretty much anywhere with ease and I think we take that for granted these days.

• Grocery Delivery. I don’t know how I would function dragging my kids to the grocery shops every week to do a full week’s worth of shopping. We would probably end up with more than I originally planned, while also forgetting the essentials and spending far more than my budget allowed. While the odd grocery shop with the kids can be a fun experience—with one child at a time, on the weekend—pre-organising and ordering my grocieries to be delivered to my door is a convienience I cannot go without now.

• Child Friendly Eating Establishments. You know the ones. They have a playground or kids room within viewing distance of the dining tables, high chairs for babies and toddlers to sit in and perhaps even boredom busting coluring in activities at the table. Establishments like these that are not fast food chains and actually serve decent food are few and far between but are much appreciated.

  What are you grateful for this month?

Making Memories: Cherished Moments & Milestones

Making memories and recording them has always been incredibly important to me. Our memories tend to fail us, so keeping a record of precious moments enhances our memory-keeping abilities.

Here is my favourite memory from this month:

Putting up the Christmas Tree: We bought our first big Christmas tree for our little family. We put it up and decorated it together in the last week of November. When I say together I mean my husband and I did the whole thing while my little ones watched and proceeded to rip off and play with the decorations instead. The decorations are colourful and durable and include a set shaped like food (hot dog, hamburger, pizza and doughnut) that the boys really love playing pretend with. Half of the baubles are off the tree and have been rearranged multiple times over, but that’s okay. The aesthetics don’t matter to me, as long as the boys are getting enjoyment out of it.

At the Beach: In the late afternoon after a day of rain while the breeze was cool and the temperature was pleasant, we took the boys down to a local inlet. The tide was out, leaving pristine puddles to step through across a long, wet, sandy stretch. Dad and our youngest stayed near the shore while my eldest and I kept walking through the water, picking out shells and spotting jellyfish washed to shore. Just the two of us, alone in the sparse expanse of shallow, ankle-deep water and rippled, wet sand. Smiles, squeals, sandy feet and wonderful memories.

Halloween Holiday: On the last day of October and the first few days of November we went on holiday, staying in a cabin at a caravan park on the Gold Coast that also had a pool, cafe and waterpark on-site, among other facilities. My boys spent most of the holiday at the pool, engulfing ice cream and hot chips or in the room playing on the bunk bed. The best part was trick or treating on Halloween. My eldest wore a ghost costume while riding his balance bike with a bucket in hand, zig-zagging between caravans and cabins covered in spooky decorations to collect treats. It was an excellent way to do trick-or-treating and our eldest loved it while my youngest chilled in the stroller soaking it all in.

What memories have you made this month?

Reality Check: Navigating Life’s Challenges

Writing about or vocalising the tougher and less pleasant moments in life helps us process them and knowing we're not alone in these struggles is helpful too.

Big changes are coming next year. My parents told me they want to transition out of looking after my boys on the two days I work, which I totally understand. They deserve to enjoy their retirement and I’m so grateful for the three years they’ve spent helping look after my boys while I work. My eldest is starting kindergarten 2 days a week next year anyway and now I will be putting my 20-month-old into daycare next year too on the same days.

We chose a community kindergarten for my eldest months ago, so that is already locked in. We spent November taking tours around daycare centres for our youngest and we ended up picking a brand new one very close to us. We start play dates there this week. So both of my boys will be going into care from January next year, and I am probably more nervous and anxious about this big change than they are.

Along with that big change we’ve decided to cut out screentime for the boys too. Completely. They still get screen time (TV and iPad) while at Nana and Pop’s house while I’m still working there currently, but when they are at home with me, they go without and enjoy quality time with me doing activities instead, resulting in a busy and overstimulated mummy by the end of each day at times, if I’m being honest. So far the behaviour benefits have been worth it however, we will see how long we can keep this trend up!

With my youngest going into care 2 days a week, I’m also planning on trying to ween him off of breastfeeding over the Christmas break. At the moment he is boobie obsessed and needs to breastfeed to go down to sleep. I’m hoping that having my hubby around to give my youngest some distance from me over the break will help ease the transition.

What do you feel like venting about this month? This is your safe space! No judgment here.

Fiction Writing Progress and Learnings

I’m currently focused on improving my fiction writing skills and working towards publishing my first novel. Follow me on my journey.

63,000 words. Full of heart, songs, laughs, betrayal and packed full of Y2K nostalgia. What a joy this has been to write and edit in my tiny pockets of free time. Most of my editing has been done on my phone. Not ideal but I work with what I’ve got. Last month I mentioned getting my story out to beta readers soon. Yep, It’s still on the horizon, however I’m running through another round of edits to give it more polish before sending it off.

If you’re interested in beta reading my Aussie Rom-Com story ‘Y2K Love’, and would enjoy having the opportunity to provide valuable feedback that will directly impact the outcome of this story before it’s ready for the world to read, please reach out and let me know :)

Inspiring Stuff

Inspiration helps drive us to do more, be more and perhaps even take our lives in a whole new direction.

I have been heavily focused on my fiction reading and improving my fiction writing craft this month, so I have creative writing podcasts and fiction stories that I listened to in audiobook form in my inspiring stuff list for today.

Creative Writing Podcasts

The Story Craft Cafe Podcast - Here you will find in-depth interviews with published authors sharing their journeys from how they got into writing, their path towards publishing and the methods they use to get their stories down on the page. Super valuable stuff in these episodes.

Writer Unleashed - Nice, short and straight-to-the-point episodes filled with absolute gems about the craft of writing and storytelling that have given me an ‘a-ha’ moment more than once in my creative writing journey.

SPA Girls Podcast - A group of self-published romance authors from New Zealand doing interviews and sharing helpful advice for current and aspiring self-published authors.

The Creative Penn Podcast - A long-time favourite of mine. Down to earth and in-depth interviews with authors and industry experts sharing self-publishing and writing craft advice.

The Essential Guide to Writing a Novel - A great place to start for beginners. I started from episode one and gained some great insights into essential elements that go into writing well and crafting a good story.

Fiction Writing Made Easy - Another great one for beginners. Learn about plotting and outlining strategies, storytelling methods and more.

Fiction Stories

I have gotten through quite a few fantastic audiobooks over the last month and a half. Here’s what I’ve listened to:

Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros: Lots of action, spice, dragons and suspense. This story has it all with a big bang finish at the end of the book.

It Starts With Us by Colleen Hoover: An excellent follow-up to It Ends with Us, exploring second-chance love after coming out of an abusive relationship.

I’m a Fan by Sheena Patel: A deep and well-written story about a woman with severe self-esteem and obsessive issues who is craving love from a married, male celebrity she is sleeping with.

The Idea of You by Robinne Lee: Didn’t realise until after I started it that this was the book based on Harry Styles falling for a fan’s mum while in One Direction. The book is now a movie too starring Anne Hathaway. Kept me interested and the ending was not what I expected.

Powerless by Lauren Roberts: A low spice romantasy with a really unique concept and I love the writing style—I’m a sucker for lots of alliteration—however, some of the dialogue between the main characters could have been better.

Red Rising by Pierce Brown: LOVED this story! No wonder so many people raved about it and I’m a sucker for space opera style sci-fi. It had me hooked from the get go and contained one of the biggest oh-my-god moments in books for me so far this year.

Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson: This story has my heart. Such a perfectly crafted fairytale-style story with an excellent blend of both sci-fi and fantasy. A Pirates of the Caribbean mixed with The Wizard of Oz-style tale that I already want to listen to and/or read again. Gave me all the good feels.

What books have inspired you this month?

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Here are a few quotes to send you off for the day!

• “Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity.” - Katrina Mayer

• “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” - Oscar Wilde

• “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” - Brené Brown

Please let me know what you think of my posts by leaving a comment below or reaching out to me in the app. If you enjoy reading this newsletter consider hitting subscribe. Have a wonderful day!