To My Mum on Mothers Day

Reflections on motherhood and affection

It’s 6.45am on Mother's Day as I type this on my phone, sun barely risen, wrapped in the bedsheets, my 1yo asleep beside me. I am the only one awake. Not sure what my Mother's Day will bring for me yet, but I wanted to make sure I posted this one on this very special day ❤️

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I wrote something genuine and heartfelt to give to my mum this Mother's Day. It's not something I do. I don’t  tend to get mushy and talk openly about my feelings with my parents. I'm like my mum in that way. My mum never really gives me hugs or says 'I love you'. My dad does. My dad comments on it occasionally and mum's response was always 'I wasn't brought up in an affectionate family'.

But less affection doesn't mean less love. Their love language was just different and was shown in acts of love and nurture and caregiving. Even though my mum doesn't say I love you, I can feel it emanating from her being. It's something I never question to be true. But while I may feel awkward saying the words 'I love you' to my parents, I feel more comfortable writing it. So I did what I do best. I wrote down my feelings to share with her in hand written words on Mother's Day.

This moment brings me back to a Christmas memory from when I was around 10 years old. I remember writing something similarly heartfelt for my mum back then. The only other time I remember doing so. I can't remember how my mother reacted but I distinctly remember my nana in the Christmas chaos reading the card I wrote to mum and crying. My mum later told me that Nanna thought she (my mum) had written it for her. She didn't want me to tell Nanna the truth. She kept it as her most treasured gift. We found it again over a decade later amongst her keepsakes after she had passed.

I still wonder if my mum had ever written or said heartfelt words like that to her before or since. 

At that age I didn't fully comprehend why the deceit was necessary, but now I understand how important it is to let our loved ones know how much we love them, especially now I have kids of my own. I hug them and tell them I love them multiple times a day, and my husband does too. I don't want them to question the love we have for them, and to think they would ever feel awkward or hesitate to reciprocate our love is heartbreaking to even consider.

So I think my mum deserves to know how much I love her too. She'll be receiving this letter after this post is live, so check my notes in the Substack app for an update on how it was received.

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To My Mum on Mother's Day

Always going above and beyond to tend to our needs.

Never saying or doing anything that would bring us harm.

Taking the shirt off your own back to keep us warm .

Keeping a mild temper and speaking with kindness and love.

Making sure we are fed, loved, entertained and spoilt beyond any other child I know.

Giving up a carefree and independent life to be our mum.

Sacrificing a career, hobbies and life to make us the centre of your world.

I never really understood. Not like I do now. Now that I am a mother too. I see you.

That's my mum. The best mum. And the best Nanna too. I love you.

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Do you come from an affectionate family or do you have a different love language? How does that love language impact the relationship you have with your mum?

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